Saturday, April 11, 2009

eggspecially pissed off!

Believe it or not I'm not a real "crowds" person. I guess it really depends on what the crowd is for really. Anyways, I went to the "Redmond egg hunting thingy" today down town in an effort to prep Joey for the Easter egg hunt that he's having tomorrow with his older cousin. I didn't want him to feel down if his 7 yr old cousin got more eggs than him. I wanted him to learn the generosity thing about giving someone an egg if they didn't have one. I wanted him to branch out and get the rush of feeling a little trampled on (like survival of the fittest etc. ) What I didn't realize was I think he was a little more prepared than I was !!!! Ha!

We get there and there is a ton of people. The street was blocked off and they are dumping eggs in the street and parents are holding their 3-4 year old kids back. I was a little cautious about letting him go out there all by himself but a few of my "more experienced egg hunting mommies" said not to worry about it. The parents stay back so you can see your kid that way. "oh. okay" I thought. I didn't really get to prep Joey like I wanted to on what the egg thing would be like, but I figured he would do it and we would talk about it after wards and heal all wounds if necessary.
The man with the horn thing counted down from ten and Joey was smiling and kinda confused then he got to "1" and I said "go JOey, go get eggs!" he was getting trampled on (not by kids) but by adults! Adults filling the kids baskets with eggs etc. He was having a blast-I was freakin appalled! I put on a happy face and didn't act surprised when he only got two eggs. Its horrible when you watch your little one get trampled over by adults and he is happy as can be just to be apart of the action. He was so excited about his eggs and the candy that instead of me feeling defensive (and unforgivably pissed off at some parents) I embraced his joy and excitement with a crooked smile.

In the car on the way to my well deserved caffeine fix at Starbucks.... I thought about what its going to be like with him going to school sooner than later and me dealing with the other parents. What parent am I going to be. The "watch out the winy biotch mom is coming!" or the Sweet, gentle, "oh its okay that your son called my son that bad word" kind of mom. It would be easy for me to say that I will just "be myself" but sometimes, as a mom, it seems like its not good enough in this world. I mean, I would jump in front of a semi for my kids. That's the kind of blood I got goin in the veins on a daily, normal, layed back basis. ha! I know u know what I'm talking about.

So, here I am feeling helpless and hopeless about Joey's future. Lord, please protect my Joey and Ruthie. In this special time of Easter I know you remind me you loved us so much you gave us your Son so that we could be free and not worry about this stuff. You have a journey for Joey and Ruthie. It feels like I'm jumping off a cliff of trust. I guess thats a good place to be. Thankyou.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

misery and company

For having a cold and having 2 sick children I'm doing pretty good.

I woke up this fine and lovely morning with a really bad soar throat and a scratchy voice (I'm on day 3 of this bad cold thing). Joey, by my side in bed, asked for a cup. I gave him some water and then he wanted some more. I walked blindly to the kitchen and made my way there and back no problem. That was until about 10 minutes later when he was throwing up everywhere! He will be 4 in June and he has never thrown up before (because of sickness) I was in shock! He was in shock! It was all over our bed and floor. I carried him to the shower and he gagged a few times. I asked him if he felt bad and he said, "no" I put him on the couch and he was acting kinda normal. It was 5 in the morning and he was smiling. He looked pale. A mother knows when her baby is sick. He was sick.
He is such a stud. When it comes to getting hurt he rarely cry's. In fact, he started to let me kiss him when he gets hurt only because I LIKE to kiss him- not because he needs it. Sometimes I wish he was more cuddly and needy-but at the same time I admire his strength. He is kinda like a "guys guy"

I fell back asleep after I checked on the other sickly one who had not made a peep all night. "Is she alive?" I thought. I could tell Brian was thinking the same thing. She was sound asleep. Humidifiers are awesome!
Joey is now still asleep, Ruthie is asleep and I should be asleep! But, I can't sleep. I have to say one of my worst fears of parenthood was seeing one of my kids throw up. I realize now that I think i was so terrified of it because I'm scared every time I throw up. I didn't realize a child could react the way Joey did. He wasn't scared, embarrassed, or anything. I feel so lonely when I'm sick. I beg Brian to lay with me, I tell him I feel worthless and he just hugs me and gets me anything I could possibly need. He pleads with me to rest. I love the attention, but, that's how I am when I'm sick. When I was little if I was sick I was sent to my room and basically wasn't aloud to come out until I was feeling better or it was dinner. I had no t.v barely any attention. There were a lot of kids in the family so this was the way it had to be I guess. My mom was always worried about things spreading. I didn't like waking my mom up when she was sleeping (she was kinda scary when she woke up) so I would wake up Kev (my bro) and he would hold my hair back while I puked and then I would cry. Then he would put me in the shower, wash me off ,put my clothes on,tuck me in bed and sit there til I fell asleep. I hated missing school too. I would have rather been at school than be at home, sick.

So, here I am with my own babies in 2009, and I have decided I will love them senseless when they are sick (whether they want it or not). Brian said he would go get ice cream and fruit pops and we will sit around and watch movies and I will kiss my kids as much as I can. I will make some popcorn and let Joey eat it anywhere he wants. I will bust out all the blankets and hopefully we can help one another get to feeling better.

Monday, March 9, 2009

freak nasty

The title really has nothing to do with what I'm about to talk about. But, do you remember when dancing was called "freak dancing?" When I was in high school if you were "freak dancing" you might be crossing the line. In other words people might see you as a little slutty. Teachers did in fact encourage the idea of having a balloon in between your partner and yourself. Did it work? not really :) annnnyywwwayys.....

In an effort to pinch some pennies and figure out our so-called "perfect life plan" I have been mentally trying to figure out ways to cut corners without feeling totally deprived. Kind of a debt diet sort of thing. I would appreciate any of your easy tips. We have been on budgets out the waaazoo and we are on one right now yet again, but what makes it stick? Diets don't really work unless you are in a severe situation. How do you make it last? This is what I have learned in our process of figuring out money:
1. You have to be on the same page as your spouse, translation: relationship comes before dollar amounts
2. don't be extreme
3. planning meals and coupon clipping doesn't work for me
4. spending cash and no debit cards works for awhile, but it doesn't last forever
5. having a 3rd party look at your finances is awesome, it was a huge relief for us
6. forgetting about money when your pregnant helps, but it sucks when you face it again
7.prayer helps with all of the above
8. I don't like talking about finances with friends unless I know 100% I will not feel guilt-driven about it
9.giving is a good release
10. I sure like spending it on little gifts, cards, mail, myself, Christmas, b-days, Easter, Valentines, fathers day, mothers day, etc.


so-please-what are your words of wisdom?

and if its the simple fact: don't spend more than you have, I'm sorry but you will have to go into serious detail on how this works for you. thanks!


Friday, March 6, 2009

fitness malfunction

I can't explain myself completely today, not because I could be holding things back, well maybe so....anyways...

I'm so tired. Thank goodness I can scrounge up some energy to work out, but I don't know where it comes from. IT does help when I take a shower before I work out to wake myself up and then take one after I work out to remind myself how good it feels to do it! I'm weird, but ya know? I'm glad.
On the subject of working out I go to a gym that is really close and very convenient to me casa. I love how I can run out the door late and still somehow not miss a second of a class. Since Ruthie, I have not been real obsessed with working out like I used to be, but I am desiring that feeling when you feel a little lighter on your feet and a little lighter on the scale if you know what I mean!
Anyways, I have been running into some of my old friends there and one in particular was talking about this latest work out thing that's a sure fire to a bangin bod. The urge of desire krept up my spine. It suddenly stopped when my brain said, "face REALITY tiff"!
My friend did look quite amazing not that she didn't before, honestly, but I know the feeling she has about wanting to reach that "perfect place." I knew we could really relate when she said this: "yeah, it just puts you over the edge." "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrg."I thought.
There it was. The phrase that I have never been able to put into words but yet haunts me from time to time. It basically means when you are a mom who is pretty in shape BUT you get to the place where you not only look like you haven't had children but you look like a perfectly muscular thin type who looks slightly on the "too thin" side (and thats a good thing, because you want people to notice). I don't know for sure thats what she meant of coarse, but I know for sure we were somewhere on that page together.
Well, luckily ( not luck really, Jesus helped me), I didn't stay on that mental page for too long. (It will come again though) It was sad for me to find out that the mental "perfect place" does exist amongst us and our peers. I don't think its just me and I wish it was. This means then that the idea that we look at each other and judge our fitness soley on the way we look does indeed exist .

geez. that blows.
The old and wise remind me that having 2 kids is a workout, and to enjoy it because the reality is, I'm in the best shape of my life! hell yeah!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I could be worth millions!

So, I was meeting with my new friend, Josh Jensen, (if you don't know him he is a very nice gentlemen who knows a lot about helping people financial plan etc.) something I really know nothing about. I was a little nervous meeting him but in my new quest to branch out I was pretty determined. We sat down to chat and we talked about this, that and the other when we got on the topic of me being a stay at home mom. He told me that some women he talks to sound a little held back or hesitant for saying they are stay at home moms. My first insecure thought was,"he was right!" the next insecure thought was, "Could he tell if I was hesitant for saying I was a stay at home mom?" He then proceeded to tell me that he read somewhere that if a stay at home mom got paid for what they did by the hour she would make 130,000 a year (and that's just with minimum wage (3 years ago!) ) "WOw!" I thought. "I'm doing a stand- up job!" "no wonder I'm effing exhausted!!" ha!
My blood started pumping and I started to feel a weight lift off my shoulders.

Needless to say, Josh really helped me with my finances that day!
!!

Part of me feeling insecure about staying home is I don't think I feel the freedom to stay at home. We really need the money, but I'm also not willing to sacrifice my time with joey and ruthie for a full-time job. I just can't do it. I can barely do a part time gig. I guess that's why I felt sweet relief when I heard the "number load down" for stay at home moms (from Josh) even though it's not real money :) I wish I felt the freedom to stay at home, but the question I ask myself is, "if we did have a lot of money would I still want to be a full-time home mom?" ..Yes. I agree. I'm complicated.
It would have been nice to have a financial plan before we had children and be responsible grown adults. But, on the flip side, with us wanting more children it was good that I started a little earlier even if it meant starting when we, literally, had no insurance.

to be continued....

Friday, February 20, 2009

black finger nail polish

I have to say when i wear black -purplish nail polish I feel like I'm the hip mom that I dream to be, and do believe I accomplish from time to time. bad ass jewelry helps :) anyways, that's just a side note of what I'm about to talk about---if I knew what I was going to talk about.

Today I was impressed by my kiddos and myself. I didn't sleep a wink really last night cause I stayed up looking at etsy which then lead me to thinking too much. Which then caused anxiety, which carried to my early morning, which then lead me to my car in a not perfect outfit with my hair in a not perfect ponytail with my not perfect caffeine fix...u get the picture. I got to coffee clatter (my networking attempt) and was suddenly overwhelmed by 194 people. geez. It was like stepping into college for the first time. I was welcomed, and people did LOVE my jewlery-but still awkward. It was like a private club or something. I have decided that once a week I'm going to make myself really uncomfortable in some way. Today marked the start--and let me tell you I tried to talk myself out of it. Brian helped but he wasn't my complete motivation. I told myself I could smoke a clove and have a chai tea starbucks after if I did it...thats what realllllly helped :) To be honest with myself, I was praying today and I told God that I just wanted to be in His steps, I'm just taking the next step-but I know I will be guided, I trust Him-man, to be in heaven right now.
I was opened to a world of a lot of interesting people today, my heart beats fast as I type this....
When I was there I met some really cool people, so cool that I was actually looking forward to more convo the next week.
my kids are so the coolest--I can be biast its my blog! They were needing me extra today. They weren't in cry mode or anything-they just were enthralled with everything I was doing. I love looking at them. I love looking at them when they are together in my lap. I wonder what the next one will be like? geeezoofreakin flip!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

brain chain

cozy sleep, no sleep, kevs wedding, tears, laugh, talk a lot, drink a lot, no voice, jewelry, distance, depressing thoughts, holding moments, valentines, cupcakes, cute kids, cute outifts, bad hair, good hair, Prayers, longing, curious thought, best friend, sisters, brothers, Redmond, Texas, babies, baby weight, WW, church, serving, jobs, cleaning, laundry, Gain, massage, silly, dirty diapers, nursing, sweet smile, take a shower or two, Coldplay, clove, driving, reading, empty the dishwasher, throw things away, school, trains,snow, relax, anxiety, guilt, happy,energy, netflix, flat tire, bills, overdue bills, brians ear phones, etsy, texting, grocery shopping, sourdough english muffins, movie, no good movie, smelly garage, joeys hair, joeys smile, ruthies slobber, juice plus, orange juice, work out soon, time for myself, time with my family, a surprise at our front door, cuddle,yell, sarcastic, annoyed, deep breath, chiropracter, good deals,
oh man I have to go---

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