black finger nail polish

I have to say when i wear black -purplish nail polish I feel like I'm the hip mom that I dream to be, and do believe I accomplish from time to time. bad ass jewelry helps :) anyways, that's just a side note of what I'm about to talk about---if I knew what I was going to talk about.

Today I was impressed by my kiddos and myself. I didn't sleep a wink really last night cause I stayed up looking at etsy which then lead me to thinking too much. Which then caused anxiety, which carried to my early morning, which then lead me to my car in a not perfect outfit with my hair in a not perfect ponytail with my not perfect caffeine fix...u get the picture. I got to coffee clatter (my networking attempt) and was suddenly overwhelmed by 194 people. geez. It was like stepping into college for the first time. I was welcomed, and people did LOVE my jewlery-but still awkward. It was like a private club or something. I have decided that once a week I'm going to make myself really uncomfortable in some way. Today marked the start--and let me tell you I tried to talk myself out of it. Brian helped but he wasn't my complete motivation. I told myself I could smoke a clove and have a chai tea starbucks after if I did it...thats what realllllly helped :) To be honest with myself, I was praying today and I told God that I just wanted to be in His steps, I'm just taking the next step-but I know I will be guided, I trust Him-man, to be in heaven right now.
I was opened to a world of a lot of interesting people today, my heart beats fast as I type this....
When I was there I met some really cool people, so cool that I was actually looking forward to more convo the next week.
my kids are so the coolest--I can be biast its my blog! They were needing me extra today. They weren't in cry mode or anything-they just were enthralled with everything I was doing. I love looking at them. I love looking at them when they are together in my lap. I wonder what the next one will be like? geeezoofreakin flip!

brain chain

cozy sleep, no sleep, kevs wedding, tears, laugh, talk a lot, drink a lot, no voice, jewelry, distance, depressing thoughts, holding moments, valentines, cupcakes, cute kids, cute outifts, bad hair, good hair, Prayers, longing, curious thought, best friend, sisters, brothers, Redmond, Texas, babies, baby weight, WW, church, serving, jobs, cleaning, laundry, Gain, massage, silly, dirty diapers, nursing, sweet smile, take a shower or two, Coldplay, clove, driving, reading, empty the dishwasher, throw things away, school, trains,snow, relax, anxiety, guilt, happy,energy, netflix, flat tire, bills, overdue bills, brians ear phones, etsy, texting, grocery shopping, sourdough english muffins, movie, no good movie, smelly garage, joeys hair, joeys smile, ruthies slobber, juice plus, orange juice, work out soon, time for myself, time with my family, a surprise at our front door, cuddle,yell, sarcastic, annoyed, deep breath, chiropracter, good deals,
oh man I have to go---

a day of many..

Today I woke up tired as usual, wanting more sleep. My husband started talking about college. I suddenly didn't need caffeine! He talked about what he wanted, to pursue to be exact.
I want my Brian to happy, its one of my deepest desires. (And has been since I learned that midlife crisis really does exist!) I think he might be one step closer to job fulfillment. Its funny, when you both talk about wanting more children suddenly everything falls in place.
Brian is my one. He drives me nuts. Even when I yell at him, curse, manipulate, he knows me and is quick to forgive.

Back on subject. For once in our marriage we have goals. The pessimist in me says something disastrous is going to happen, like someone will die or something before we get what we want. I guess that doesn't matter. We have each other. I think I'm feeling emotional tonight. So be it.

refrain from "Motherwise"

I'm glad I didn't talk about "Motherwise" yesterday. This entry might have looked a little different. With the f- bomb here and there and cussing out a midwife wouldn't have looked very lady like. BUT, don't hold me to it. I'm just starting. :)

The other day Brian and I were priding ourselves on how we hadn't received another bill from "Motherwise" (for those of you who don't know, this is the birth center we were going to have Ruthie in.) We decided Nicole,(the midwife from Motherwise) had finally realized she was full of crap and decided to back off from us cause she realized she was not right, and that she was a liar, and that she was wrong for billing us in the first place after what had happened. Ha! No such luck.....
Yesterday morning with a skip in my step and a smile on my face I opened the mailbox to find a single letter. I saw my name handwritten on it and thought "oh, I must have gotten something cool" ........NOT!!........ there it was, the M0therwise label. My heart sank to the ground and lower if it could have! I saw that we owed $500. My heart started racing. I ran to the house swung open the door and slowly walked to Brian. He was especially chipper, I didn't want to ruin it too fast. I gave it to him reluctantly. He opened it. He didn't look it in the face but he was pretty upset. He looked away and I saw his eyes going back and forth. Well, he was moving too damn slow for me. I immediately started making calls, yelling, and basically my day was shot.

After a long day of research it wasn't until 10 pm that I talked to a friend who works for a collections agency who said there was no doubt in her mind that we would be sent to collections if we didn't pay, and that if we took it to small claims we would end up owing more. It was then that it hit me.......I might have to face a decision that we made when we hired her in the first place and pay the bill along with it of coarse.

After all the face slapping that I did to Nicole in my head it still wasn't satisfying what I knew deep down. Nicole was Nicole. She was always bad news. I just didn't know it. Lately, I have heard so many horrible things about that place I'm terrified. If I had done my research I would have figured it out before. I went to her when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I believed and trusted everything about her. I was so stuck on this "perfect birth thing" that nothing was going to get in my way..
After a very short night sleep, I acknowledge that I made a poor choice. We were ultimately saved from that decision and I'm thankful, so incredibly thankful, teary-eyed thankful. Not only that, we did have a perfect birth....in the perfect hospital... with the perfect Dr.... with a perfect Douala as well.
Brian and I plan on writing Nicole a letter and telling her appropriately how we feel about what happened and why we felt like she was putting us in serious danger. We will report her too. We will make sure we tell anyone and everyone who thinks they should birth there to "run like hell away"!!
I forgive Nicole for what she did but I know I can't change her. I can only hope that she might someday see what she did, like I did hiring her in the first place.