misery and company

For having a cold and having 2 sick children I'm doing pretty good.

I woke up this fine and lovely morning with a really bad soar throat and a scratchy voice (I'm on day 3 of this bad cold thing). Joey, by my side in bed, asked for a cup. I gave him some water and then he wanted some more. I walked blindly to the kitchen and made my way there and back no problem. That was until about 10 minutes later when he was throwing up everywhere! He will be 4 in June and he has never thrown up before (because of sickness) I was in shock! He was in shock! It was all over our bed and floor. I carried him to the shower and he gagged a few times. I asked him if he felt bad and he said, "no" I put him on the couch and he was acting kinda normal. It was 5 in the morning and he was smiling. He looked pale. A mother knows when her baby is sick. He was sick.
He is such a stud. When it comes to getting hurt he rarely cry's. In fact, he started to let me kiss him when he gets hurt only because I LIKE to kiss him- not because he needs it. Sometimes I wish he was more cuddly and needy-but at the same time I admire his strength. He is kinda like a "guys guy"

I fell back asleep after I checked on the other sickly one who had not made a peep all night. "Is she alive?" I thought. I could tell Brian was thinking the same thing. She was sound asleep. Humidifiers are awesome!
Joey is now still asleep, Ruthie is asleep and I should be asleep! But, I can't sleep. I have to say one of my worst fears of parenthood was seeing one of my kids throw up. I realize now that I think i was so terrified of it because I'm scared every time I throw up. I didn't realize a child could react the way Joey did. He wasn't scared, embarrassed, or anything. I feel so lonely when I'm sick. I beg Brian to lay with me, I tell him I feel worthless and he just hugs me and gets me anything I could possibly need. He pleads with me to rest. I love the attention, but, that's how I am when I'm sick. When I was little if I was sick I was sent to my room and basically wasn't aloud to come out until I was feeling better or it was dinner. I had no t.v barely any attention. There were a lot of kids in the family so this was the way it had to be I guess. My mom was always worried about things spreading. I didn't like waking my mom up when she was sleeping (she was kinda scary when she woke up) so I would wake up Kev (my bro) and he would hold my hair back while I puked and then I would cry. Then he would put me in the shower, wash me off ,put my clothes on,tuck me in bed and sit there til I fell asleep. I hated missing school too. I would have rather been at school than be at home, sick.

So, here I am with my own babies in 2009, and I have decided I will love them senseless when they are sick (whether they want it or not). Brian said he would go get ice cream and fruit pops and we will sit around and watch movies and I will kiss my kids as much as I can. I will make some popcorn and let Joey eat it anywhere he wants. I will bust out all the blankets and hopefully we can help one another get to feeling better.

freak nasty

The title really has nothing to do with what I'm about to talk about. But, do you remember when dancing was called "freak dancing?" When I was in high school if you were "freak dancing" you might be crossing the line. In other words people might see you as a little slutty. Teachers did in fact encourage the idea of having a balloon in between your partner and yourself. Did it work? not really :) annnnyywwwayys.....

In an effort to pinch some pennies and figure out our so-called "perfect life plan" I have been mentally trying to figure out ways to cut corners without feeling totally deprived. Kind of a debt diet sort of thing. I would appreciate any of your easy tips. We have been on budgets out the waaazoo and we are on one right now yet again, but what makes it stick? Diets don't really work unless you are in a severe situation. How do you make it last? This is what I have learned in our process of figuring out money:
1. You have to be on the same page as your spouse, translation: relationship comes before dollar amounts
2. don't be extreme
3. planning meals and coupon clipping doesn't work for me
4. spending cash and no debit cards works for awhile, but it doesn't last forever
5. having a 3rd party look at your finances is awesome, it was a huge relief for us
6. forgetting about money when your pregnant helps, but it sucks when you face it again
7.prayer helps with all of the above
8. I don't like talking about finances with friends unless I know 100% I will not feel guilt-driven about it
9.giving is a good release
10. I sure like spending it on little gifts, cards, mail, myself, Christmas, b-days, Easter, Valentines, fathers day, mothers day, etc.


so-please-what are your words of wisdom?

and if its the simple fact: don't spend more than you have, I'm sorry but you will have to go into serious detail on how this works for you. thanks!

fitness malfunction

I can't explain myself completely today, not because I could be holding things back, well maybe so....anyways...

I'm so tired. Thank goodness I can scrounge up some energy to work out, but I don't know where it comes from. IT does help when I take a shower before I work out to wake myself up and then take one after I work out to remind myself how good it feels to do it! I'm weird, but ya know? I'm glad.
On the subject of working out I go to a gym that is really close and very convenient to me casa. I love how I can run out the door late and still somehow not miss a second of a class. Since Ruthie, I have not been real obsessed with working out like I used to be, but I am desiring that feeling when you feel a little lighter on your feet and a little lighter on the scale if you know what I mean!
Anyways, I have been running into some of my old friends there and one in particular was talking about this latest work out thing that's a sure fire to a bangin bod. The urge of desire krept up my spine. It suddenly stopped when my brain said, "face REALITY tiff"!
My friend did look quite amazing not that she didn't before, honestly, but I know the feeling she has about wanting to reach that "perfect place." I knew we could really relate when she said this: "yeah, it just puts you over the edge." "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrg."I thought.
There it was. The phrase that I have never been able to put into words but yet haunts me from time to time. It basically means when you are a mom who is pretty in shape BUT you get to the place where you not only look like you haven't had children but you look like a perfectly muscular thin type who looks slightly on the "too thin" side (and thats a good thing, because you want people to notice). I don't know for sure thats what she meant of coarse, but I know for sure we were somewhere on that page together.
Well, luckily ( not luck really, Jesus helped me), I didn't stay on that mental page for too long. (It will come again though) It was sad for me to find out that the mental "perfect place" does exist amongst us and our peers. I don't think its just me and I wish it was. This means then that the idea that we look at each other and judge our fitness soley on the way we look does indeed exist .

geez. that blows.
The old and wise remind me that having 2 kids is a workout, and to enjoy it because the reality is, I'm in the best shape of my life! hell yeah!

I could be worth millions!

So, I was meeting with my new friend, Josh Jensen, (if you don't know him he is a very nice gentlemen who knows a lot about helping people financial plan etc.) something I really know nothing about. I was a little nervous meeting him but in my new quest to branch out I was pretty determined. We sat down to chat and we talked about this, that and the other when we got on the topic of me being a stay at home mom. He told me that some women he talks to sound a little held back or hesitant for saying they are stay at home moms. My first insecure thought was,"he was right!" the next insecure thought was, "Could he tell if I was hesitant for saying I was a stay at home mom?" He then proceeded to tell me that he read somewhere that if a stay at home mom got paid for what they did by the hour she would make 130,000 a year (and that's just with minimum wage (3 years ago!) ) "WOw!" I thought. "I'm doing a stand- up job!" "no wonder I'm effing exhausted!!" ha!
My blood started pumping and I started to feel a weight lift off my shoulders.

Needless to say, Josh really helped me with my finances that day!!!

Part of me feeling insecure about staying home is I don't think I feel the freedom to stay at home. We really need the money, but I'm also not willing to sacrifice my time with joey and ruthie for a full-time job. I just can't do it. I can barely do a part time gig. I guess that's why I felt sweet relief when I heard the "number load down" for stay at home moms (from Josh) even though it's not real money :) I wish I felt the freedom to stay at home, but the question I ask myself is, "if we did have a lot of money would I still want to be a full-time home mom?" ..Yes. I agree. I'm complicated.
It would have been nice to have a financial plan before we had children and be responsible grown adults. But, on the flip side, with us wanting more children it was good that I started a little earlier even if it meant starting when we, literally, had no insurance.

to be continued....